Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike
Tue Feb 01, 2005 at 05:32:45 pm EST
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Bowling for Closure
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Bowling For Closure



Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard



“Hello?”

“Visionary.”

“Yes.”

“This is Mr. Epitome.”

“Ah. Yes. Hello.”

“I am going to be in Paradopolis for the weekend and was wondering if you had the time to meet.”

“OK.”

“….”

“Hello?”

“OK you have time to meet or OK that I was wondering?”

“The first one.”

“Good. I, uh, would prefer not meet at the Mansion.”

“No? Well, let’s see… how about the Bean and Donut?”

“Again, no. You bowl, correct?”

“Well, it’s been a while, but yeah.”

“Why don’t we meet at Larry’s Bowl-A-Rama? Around 8pm this evening.”

“Eight? That’s fine.”

“Good. Bring Miss Shepherdson, Kerry that is, if you wish. See you then.”

*****


Visionary shook his head when he saw what Kerry had put on for their mid-winter excursion, “You’re not wearing that?” he said of the mid-riff exposing sequined crop top.

“Look, I haven’t said anything about that eyesore you’re wearing,” she gestured dismissively at his bowling shirt, “‘Fuzzy Bunnies?!’”

“Larry’s offers a discount to people who are part of a league.” Vizh shot back.

“Thus further proving you’re both tacky and cheap.”

“I’m being frugal. Since the Condo burned down we have to watch what we spend.”

“Oh, and I suppose that’s my fault?!” Kerry said with surprising anger.

Visionary was stunned, “What? No, I-”

“Whatever. I’m only agreeing to do this ‘cause I want to make sure you don’t wimp out.”

“I won’t,” Vizh thought for a moment, “Wimp out on what?”

Kerry slid into her leather jacket, “On giving Mr. Epitome a verbal bitch-slap,” she growled.

*****


Dominic Clancy and Charlotte Ouk both stood when they saw Kerry and Visionary enter the lobby to the Bowl-A-Rama.

“Art-uh, you!” Vizh corrected himself before completely blowing the young woman’s identity as the mask vigilante Artemis, “How are you?”

“Fine,” she smiled, “and it’s Charlotte.”

It had been over a month since Visionary or Kerry had seen the teenager who was Epitome’s supposed ward. She had been whisked away by Dominic at the end of the battle against the Kumoyabun, and though they had been told by Epitome that she was safe, it was good to have visual proof.

Dominic knew that, “I thought Charlotte and Kerry might wish to catch up.”

The young Probability Arsonist shrugged, “Sure. But there’s no way I’m going to put on those lame-o shoes and go bowling. You wanna hit the arcade?”

“Works for me,” Charlotte followed Kerry to the cacophony of the game room.

Kerry turned and pointed a finger at Visionary, “Remember what I said.”

“Right.”

“Do I want to know what she’s talking about?” Dominic asked.

“It was… um, we need to get milk.”

“Ah,” Epitome looked unconvinced, “I’ve reserved a lane. I’m assuming you wanted to bowl tenpin?”

“Yeah. Let me get the shoes and balls,” Visionary fished for his wallet.

“That’s not necessary. I know you are under a bit of economic hardship.”

“I got it.”

The Paragon of Power caught a hint of ire in the man’s voice, and relented, “I wear size 13, extra wide. And I prefer a sixteen pound ball.”

“Great. I wasn’t going to go fetch them for you, you know. Just pay.”

“My apologies.”

The pair rented their equipment and made their way to the lanes.

“So you’re not BDing it tonight,” Vizh observed.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You don’t have on your cowl. Most of the time you wear it. Like BD and his football helmet.”

“You’re talking about the character from Doonesbury?”

“Yeah.”

Dominic waited until Visionary cast his first ball, “I don’t wear my mask that much. In fact I wear it less than you do your yellow slicker.”

“Top coat. It’s a top coat.”

The pair bowled in silence for several frames, the score surprisingly close.

“I figured you would be making strikes every time,” Vizh admitted as he sampled his chili fries.

“Oh, I could, but that would be boring. Instead I’m trying to match the order you hit your pins in. By my scoring you’re actually up by eight.”

“Hm,” Visionary wiped the grease off his fingers before hoisting his ball, “can’t even play by the rules when bowling, can you?” he muttered under his breath.

“I take it by your little passive-aggressive dig you’ve now worked up the courage to reprimand me,” Dominic smiled grimly.

The Legionnaire watched the ball shimmy into the gutter, “Yeah, well, before we get to that, I have a proposal for you. For Charlotte, actually. To join the Juniors.”

“I doubt she’ll accept the offer. But you’re welcome to tender it.”

“Why? Because she doesn’t get along with Glory?”

“Because she doesn’t need it,” Epitome stood and rolled two quick strikes.

“So, you’re changing the rules?”

“Well, I want to make sure I’m playing the right way,” Dominic replied with a note of sarcasm before turning serious, “Charlotte has been trained for years to be what she has chosen. To put her in with your other students would be counter-productive. In fact, one of my greatest mistakes was not allowing her to undergo the… regimen that made me what I am.”

Vizh was surprised the man made such a confession, “Hallie said something about that when we got Charlotte out of the hospital.”

“It’s true. At the time I thought I was protecting her from the dangers of our profession. I underestimated her tenacity.”

“Yeah, kids can be stubborn.”

“Yes,” there was a pause, “What else is on your mind, Visionary?”

The possibly fake man steeled himself to say.

*****


“Nice shot,” Kerry congratulated Charlotte on perforating another digital Alien.

“Thanks. I’ve been working with pistols during my convalescence,” she blasted another target, “I might switch over to them for work. Dominic said he could set me up with some BALD weaponry.”

“See, that’s cool. You need ordinance and it’s yours. I ask Dorkface to see if he can get me a tiny amount of weapons-grade plutonium and I get lectured and Geiger counters installed in my bedroom.”

Her avatar having been disemboweled by one of the video villains, Charlotte turned the game over to Kerry, “You gotta admit, though, he cares. Visionary went through all kinds of hell to help me out. And he didn’t even know me.”

The Probability Arsonist looked ready to make a snarky comment, but stopped herself, “He tries to help me out too, even though he does know me,” she said softly.

*****


“Now, I don’t have half the intelligence of Superman, or however your tagline goes, but I’m confused about what happened last fall. Maybe I should have taken notes or made a flow chart, because maybe those would have helped me understood what you were doing. Is that what you use- some kind of flow chart?”

Dominic just stared at the smaller man impassively.

“All right, see, I get that you were on assignment and couldn’t just drop what you were doing to rescue your secret foster daughter, though I still don’t understand why she’s a secret.”

“To preserve her anonymity. Not every crime fighter chooses to walk around, their identity public knowledge, wearing a bright yellow slicker that doubles as a bullseye.”

“But you had Glory tell me about her. Why not tell Sir Mumphrey, or Lisa, or Yo? You know, somebody competent. They could have gotten her out no problem. Why drag me into this?”

Epitome sighed, “I wanted to keep the Legion’s awareness to the existence of Charlotte to a minimum. So I chose some one who could be trusted.”

“Oh. So it wasn’t because you thought I’d make a good patsy?”

“Not at all.”

Vizh appeared doubtful, “Well, you could have trusted the Legion. We’re a family. We look after our own.”

Once again Epitome was silent.

“Anyway,” Visionary continued, “The big problem I have is this: once you knew that we knew about Charlotte and you knew she was really in danger, you should have come to help us with the Spider Gang. Instead you cut and ran.”

“I was on an important assignment,” Epitome shot back.

“Right. Another secret. But it was still wrong. Charlotte is your family, and you were letting others watch out for her instead of doing it yourself.”

“So, one moment you say we’re all family, and the next you’re castigating me for having the Legion take care of my responsibility. Maybe you do need to take notes before engaging in discussions more complicated than just ordering coffee,” Dominic nodded thoughtfully.

Visionary’s face darkened, “I’m trying to tell you something important here-“

“You’re trying to tell me something?! What can you tell me?”

“That you’re making a mistake, dammit! You look at Charlotte, or the Legion, and you see them as a hindrance. Friends and family are a strength. They make you crazy, they may trick you into becoming leader, or set your underwear drawer on fire, or take apart your toaster and build a god-knows-what with it, but they are all that matters, and you’re pissing it away! I’ve talked to Glory since you’ve quit. She’s miserable. Miserable. And part of me thinks its probably good that you’re gone, because you don’t have the right attitude and you would have just wound up hurting the team. Hurting my family. But then I think about how much Glory means to me, and how great a kid Charlotte seems, and then I remember how smart you’re supposed to be and maybe you’ll come around.”

For a while Epitome said nothing. Visionary thought he could see something behind the man’s eyes, a struggle of emotion. Finally Dominic spoke.

“I had my family retconned.”

“Wait. What?”

“By the Hooded Hood, obviously. Years ago, to protect them from my enemies. It was good tactics, at the time.”

“You went to the Hooded Hood for a favor?!”

“There was a competition. I won, and now owe him nothing. I try very hard not to be indebted to anyone. It interferes with my work. And there is a debt to family. And I can’t afford that debt.”

Visionary kept silent.

“That doesn’t mean I found my time with the Legion a burden-“

“I think it does,” Vizh sat down and began unlacing his shoes, “Game’s over, Epitome.”

“-and if there is a time that I can aid the team in an investigation I would not hesitate-“

“I’ll pass that along. Good night.”

Epitome watched him go. He watched Visionary enter the arcade to corral Kerry, and listened to him give words of encouragement words to Charlotte. Then he traded in his bowling shoes for sneakers and shrugged on his yellow overcoat and, a protective arm around his ward, walked out.

Charlotte approached, “Hey. What’s up?”

“We’re done. I need to get back to the office.”

He was brave, Dominic had to admit, and in his own sentimental way perceptive. But despite his name Visionary was a man who thought small.













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